I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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