Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
