I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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