Barsexuality is the new black.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
