chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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