oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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