She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
