I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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