I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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