I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
