We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
