it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
