I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
