I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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