On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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