He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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