Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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