8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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