none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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