if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
