its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
