If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
