Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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