Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
