Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
