I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
