I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
