the condom got lost in my hair
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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