it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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