tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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