Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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