Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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