just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
