This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
