i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
