woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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