I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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