Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
