well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
