it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pants are for mortals
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
