Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
