forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
