he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
