If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
