My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
