Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
