I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think your dad took our porno
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
