My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
