I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
