Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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