Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
