you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
