Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.

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(785): View more from Kansas

That reminds me...we need to get swords

Fav 15 7524 1388
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(817): View more from Texas

HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.

Fav 28 6351 1292
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(516): View more from New York

I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.

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(954): View more from Florida

Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.

Fav 3 1337 2395
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(817): View more from Texas

You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all

Fav 19 3149 1056
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(773): View more from Illinois

okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.

Fav 2 604 998
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(530): View more from California

I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other

Fav 1 974 433
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.

Fav 0 20 32
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