I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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