Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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