Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
